


i don’t wanna feel better

by Sodunwithu



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Dark, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mild Smut, Suffering Komaeda Nagito
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:40:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sodunwithu/pseuds/Sodunwithu
Summary: nagito is heartbroken and decides to take the easy way outwarning: i was mega heartbroken when i wrote this so this is kinda venting ?
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	i don’t wanna feel better

**Author's Note:**

> tw: blood, sex, suicide  
> i didn’t read this over and im REALLY bad at smut sorry if there are any mistakes!!

nagito lay still in the dark abyss, chipped thoughts invading his head, an endless wrath. burying his head into his arms, the worthless, shameful depiction of himself roared as if it were a flame meeting oil. he stood, taking a deep breath and reaching into his pocket   
scrolling through his contacts , the name “hajime” made his stomach turn. his ex, ofcourse.   
ofcourse that’s his ex, right? nagito knew for a fact that scum like him wasn’t worth staying with. the loser couldnt even keep his then love of his life from leaving him. ofcourse, all good things must come to an end, he thought.  
his clammy hands hovered over his name and pressed the call button.  
it was 4 in the morning. what are you doing, nagito, he thought once again.   
well for one, nagito was intoxicated. he had it all planned out, and for someone who never drank, he chugged a whole bottle of vodka. just for his plan to be less stressed upon.   
he stifled a mumbled laugh as the phone dialed, almost hanging up when he heard a familiar voice from the other line.   
“nagito?”   
unexpected, nagito thought once more.  
his voice felt like warmth and hope  
he missed him, so much  
he doesn’t even know why he called. maybe it was a goodbye. after all, he had everything planned out.  
“nagito?” the voice repeated, bringing him back to the present  
“hajime,” nagito slowly responded. he felt vulnerable now, it was stupid to have called him. the next thing he said was something even pathetic trash like him would’ve never thought of.  
“i- i love you, hajime. i hope you can live out the best life there is.” he spat out  
the other line was silent   
“anyway, i heard you’re with chiaki now. who would’ve thought? well, that’s amazing. i- i love that-“  
“nagito? what are you saying? are you on drugs?”  
he laughed softly. just hearing the sound of his voice again made him want to put the knife down.  
“boo, wrong. but no, why would i be,” he stroked the silver point of the knife up and down, if he pushed down a little bit more he was sure he’d draw blood.   
“why are you calling me at 4am in the morning?”   
nagito shrugged like hajime could see him. it was no use. all he wanted was  
“to hear you one last time.” he mistakenly said out loud  
“w-what do you mean?-“ nagito heard shuffling on the other line, as if hajime was getting up  
nagito’s mouth went dry. he didn’t know what he meant.  
“could you, stay on the phone with me a little longer?”   
he stood from the edge of his bed, again, the thoughts came back in a rush. what did he expect though? it’s like his mind was an attraction site for horrible, self deprecating thoughts. that’s all he was anyway. god damnit.

he picked up the knife on the edge of the windowsill, as it beamed in the streetlight, he saw his reflection. 

he didn’t want to get better. no one was ever gonna love him like that ever again. someone loved him. and he felt like he was worth something. he felt like he could be truly happy with hajime around.  
sure, nagito relied on hajime for his emotional well-being knowing he was already sick to begin with. of course a person can’t fix you. he didn’t want to believe all of their relationship was a distraction from his raging suicidal thoughts.   
but it worked for some time.

~

hajime leaned over the open class window, taking in the sunset. the sun pouring into the classroom leaving an amber ambience. it was a wednesday afternoon, right after class had ended, hajime and nagito offered to stay after school to tidy up. their friends had left already, ooing and ahhing as they walked out of class to purposely tease their new relationship.  
nagito turned slightly to see hajime in a peaceful state, the warmth of the sun hitting his pretty eyelashes which were down, the sun must’ve been in his eyes.   
nagito wrapped his arms around his waist and propped his head on his shoulder.  
“fuck, i thought you were a bug for a second” hajime laughed out, looking directly at nagito   
nagito wiggled his fingers, imitating a spider on his shoulder. hajime brushed his hand off, scoffing.  
“i feel like hiyoko is going to out us to the whole school with the way she’s acting.” hajime said in a jokey tone, it feeling serious instead.  
nagito frowned behind him,  
“why? are you scared of everyone knowing about us?”  
“no- it’s just- im not confident.”  
nagito hummed.  
“im scared of what people will say about us.”

“why do you care, hajime?” nagito sighed  
he felt hajime shrug and put his head down, the only sound after was the engines from cars running from below and the wind rushing into the empty classroom.  
after a little while, hajime turned around and flipped nagito over, holding him by his shoulders  
“but anyways. no one has to know for now....”  
they looked at eachother for a moment and it was like the world stopped for a second.   
hajime caressed nagito by the neck and pulled in, kissing him, almost like he wasn’t afraid of their relationship a few seconds before.   
“why do you.... go... from one topic.. to another..like that..” nagito tried to say in between the deepening kiss.  
hajime didn’t answer.  
they had been going out for 2 months now. often, there would be arguments. not the intense, toxic kind, but nagito would always find himself insecure of being with hajime. but it was ok, because he would push it to the back of his mind and it made him feel better being with him than without. nagito would tend to lash out sometimes when his head was telling him different to what hajime was saying, but it always ended with them forgiving eachother.   
nagito shook off his doubt and tried to take his mind off it, pressing his body into hajime’s  
-  
while their lips crashed on eachothers, hajime directed them down to the floor, leaning on the pasty walls, where he then proceeded to take off nagito’s sweater vest.  
“wait... here?” he whispered, stopping hajime in his tracks. hajime glanced around then shot nagito a smirk.  
“what, are you too shy now?” he responded, hands still gripped onto his sweater   
nagito kissed him again and allowed hajime to let his hands wander.  
pulling off his sweater he tossed it to the side and started peppering him in kisses.  
hajime was very dominant when it came to being intimate, which was one of nagito’s favourite things about him.  
he unbuttoned just a few buttons of his schoolshirt, just enough so his pale neck was on show.  
hajime sucked on his neck, leaving love bites, unbuttoning his belt and sliding his trousers off halfway, nagito getting the idea and positioned on top of him in his boxers.  
“what if we get caught?”   
“no one is around, babe”   
hajime took off his belt and spat in his palm  
nagito sighed a breath of relief , glad he didn’t have to..... when there was a slim chance of getting caught. like getting caught having sex is any better.  
he watched as hajime breathed softly and stroked his already erected penis. nagito chipped at hajime’s neck as he stroked it more... nagito decided to spit in his palm too and brought his hand to it, proceededing to do it with him, both of their hands entangled while they rubbed his member, resulting in hajime throwing his head back and breathing more heavily. after a few strokes, hajime came down and grabbed nagito’s waist.  
“are you ready?” he spoke under his breath, which nagito could barely hear   
nagito nodded hesitantly and brought himself onto hajime more. he chuckled.  
“i can’t fuck you with your boxers on,”  
“i- don’t want you to see me there.”   
hajime pulled down the waistband only his ass was revealed.   
nagito bit his lip as hajime repositioned himself to find his hole. as the tip met the entrance nagito hiccuped in surprise.  
“im gonna fuck you now, okay?”  
hajime pushed it in as nagito gripped onto his shoulder and a small moan released from his throat. he didn’t want that to happen.  
fuck, he really didn’t want that to happen.  
as their hips moved in sync, hajime held onto nagito’s waist underneath his schoolshirt with one hand and stroked his long, white hair with the other. nagito’s panting got lost in his neck, trying not to let any slip out. ofcourse , hajime wanted to hear them. he had no idea hajime had this side of him.  
he thrusted harder than before, putting his hand to nagito’s throat and squeezing slightly, nagito choked on his own moan from lack of air and his ass getting pounded from below.   
his cheeks grew hot and he lifted his head from hajime’s shoulder and just looked upwards and moaned helplessly without caring anymore. he felt hajime hold onto him to the point where it hurt, and felt substance squirt in his hole, assuming hajime had came.   
that was fast, nagito thought.  
“you did so good,”  
hajime kissed nagito, with nagito kissing back almost fighting domination in their lips, and gripped down onto his waist again, but losing balance, nagito toppled sideways where they both landed heavily on the wooden floor.  
Nagito hit his head quite hard and hajime landed on his arm, strangely .  
“h-hajime! are you alright?” nagito gasped, ignoring the sudden shot of pain, while they were stuck in a forbidden frame if they got caught. nagito was the ultimate lucky student after all, yet it wasn’t always good luck.  
“yeah,”  
hajime sat up and flexed his arm, exhaling.  
he lifted nagito up by the waist and pulled him into a hug, massaging his temple which was throbbing.   
“are you?” he laughed  
nagito eased into his chest, a rare smile creeping up on him, heart palpitating. is this what it felt like? comfort?  
“yeah.”   
————-  
now they were apart. god, it hurt so much that they were apart. the sacred memory hit him like a thousand knives. he was the one thing that numbed the ache in his chest, he was the only one that made him feel something.  
“nagito, im sorry.”  
the thing was , it’s not like hajime was unfaithful. no, that wasn’t it.   
they just had to be apart.  
slowly, nagito’s issues were becoming hajime’s. and hajime just wanted nagito to work on those.  
but nagito took it in the wrong way, he thought he didn’t love him anymore and was just using it as a lame excuse to get away from him.  
they barely talked after the breakup, nagito’s insecurities and diabolical head told him hajime never loved him.   
nagito never wanted to be alone. 

he looked up from the knife, with a expression none could quite distinguish.  
“oh, you’re sorry? you’re sorry? YOU’RE SORRY? SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY?’’ his shouting got more louder as he spat those words.  
he threw the phone on the floor and began kicking it repeatedly until the cracks peeked through.   
“he’s sorry.” he mumbled...  
he puked out an outburst of uncontrollable laughter, throwing his head back aggressively.   
looking back at the phone, he bent down and slammed one hand into the sharp glass pieces, repeatedly, hitting his palms against the shards until they bled.  
he laughed some more as he smothered the sharp pieces all over his cheek, the stuck pieces pricking at them.  
“HE’S SORRY HE’S SORRY HE’S SORRY” he repeated again, grabbing the kitchen knife and with no thought, slicing his wrist open.  
wow, he thought.  
he winced in pain as the blood trickled out of his body, then, he finally realised just what he was doing.  
he held onto his arm but the crimson just kept coming out, dying his shirt and staining over his jeans.  
his face was glossed with tears and he sunk to the floor and lay there.  
“there is one last thing i must do.” he thought.  
yeah, this was what he was going to do.  
there was no point living anymore.  
he knew that from the beginning.   
but still, he didn’t know such a person like hajime could exist.  
he solely relied on him so why would be surprised he’s back to his crazy unthinkable ways?   
he missed the old him. he missed living for himself.   
“so this is how it ends... for me.”  
he lay on his back at last, letting go of his wrist and the blood gushed out uncontrollably.  
fading in and out of consciousness, he thought he had already died.  
until, he saw hajime.

hajime.......  
hajime.............  
hajime.......................  
hajime..................  
hajime........  
haji......  
.......  
end


End file.
